Bank Holidays? We love ‘em. And two in a row? This calls for a celebration!
If you don’t want to join the masses waving their Union Jacks in The Mall, but would still like to get in the party mood, here’s our recipe for an alternative Royal Jubilee knees up.
7.00am Let the neighbourhood know that you’re a true blue royalist. Turn the volume up to 11 and play God Save The Queen by the Sex Pistols with all the windows open. Oh the lyrical irony of ‘No Future, no future…’. If only Mr. Rotten had known that 35 years later he would have been starring in those Country Life Butter ads.
7.30am Jubilee cocktails for brekky. If nothing else, this will prove your commitment to the cause. We’re calling this red, white and blue cocktail, The Bulldog:
1 measure of blue curaçao
1 measure of grenadine
1 measure of peach schnapps
The key to layering your Bulldog is to pour each ingredient slowly over the back of a spoon so that it sits on top of the ingredient underneath. Contrary to popular belief, practice may not make perfect in this instance, anyway…
1) Pour the grenadine into a straight sided glass.
2) Pour the peach schnapps on top of the grenadine.
3) Pour the blue curaçao on top of the peach schnapps.
If the delicate touch that is necessary to pull off this cocktail eludes you, try an equally patriotic alternative:
The United Kingdom:
1/2 of Guinness, 1/2 of Pale Ale, 1 shot of Single Malt and a daffodil to stir.
9.00am Time to get your glad rags on. May we suggest ‘Queen for a day’ as the theme. A canary yellow twin set and matching hat, pearls, white gloves and some sturdy shoes should do the trick. To really pull this off, it helps if you inform all of your friends/family/neighbours that you would like to be addressed as ‘Your Majesty’, well in advance of the day.
9.30am Get a friend to drive you as slowly as is legally possible down your local high street as you wave to passers by. If your budget can run to it, hire a Bentley and chauffeur.
10.30am Costume change. Let’s get back down to earth with a good old British tradition. Baggy trousers, braces, string vest and a knotted hanky. Smoker or not, now’s the time to break out the Park Drive.
11.00am Roll your trouser legs up and get yourself into the kitchen to prepare a feast fit for a Queen. Anything thoroughly British will do, but don’t be afraid to experiment. You only get the excuse for a Diamond Jubilee party once in a blue moon, so make sure your guests will be talking about it for a very long time. Our suggested British menu would go something like this:
Amuse Bouche – Space Dust
Starter – Iceland King Prawn Ring
Main Course – Chicken Korma with all the trimmings
Dessert – Pick-N-Mix
For an extra edge, why not make yours a fancy dress party. Ask everyone to come as their favourite British ciché, there’s no end of choice: Rosy-cheeked farmer’s wife, village idiot, hoody…
12.55pm Just enough time for one more Bulldog before your guests arrive.
1.00pm “Ladeeees an’ Gentlemen, luncheon is served” (bang a little gong whilst shouting, for added Royal poshness)
3.00pm Ladies retire to the drawing room for some light chitter chatter while the men finish off the Pick-N-Mix.
4.00pm Parlour games with a twist. So, we’ve come up with a few super spiffing parlour game names, it’s now up to you and your guests to make up the rules and play.
‘Where’s the Prince?’ – probably involves a blindfold and a riding crop.
‘Tickle-me-fancy’ – probably involves a blindfold and a riding crop.
‘Johnny’s gone a-courting’ – makes the ladies blush.
6.00pm After all the excitement, what better than the great British tradition of gawping at the box. Just make sure you avoid the official Jubilee stuff, get a Carry On box-set and chuckle the evening away (with prizes for the best Kenneth Williams impression).
11.55pm Raise your glasses to our wonderful Queen Elizabeth– thank you Ma’am.
12.00am Land of Home and Snoring.
Any other alternative Jubilee celebration ideas gratefully received. Happy holidays!